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Welcome to Dr. William G. DeFoore's Monthly E-Newsletter       W.G. DeFoore, Ph.D. March 2011 Vol 5 No. 3  

Find The Good In Those You Love

Your love relationships are at the heart of who you are. And the best thing you can do for your relationships with those you love is to focus on their positive aspects, and trust them to fix what's not working. The default problem-solving mechanism in your brain will automatically show you what's wrong with your husband, wife, partner, children and close friends. This is why love is sometimes hard to sustain in long term close relationships. However, love is who you use the following techniques to connect with your true nature:
  • Make a list of everything you appreciate about the significant people in your life. Do this 3-4 days a week, until it becomes automatic.
  • Choose something from your list and tell it to your loved one(s) once or twice a week. Expressions of love are a choice--they often don't happen if we don't decide to make the effort.
  • Make a list of the things you know they like, and add to it as you think of new things.
  • At least twice a week, say or do something positive that you know they will like, appreciate and enjoy.
This is a way of practicing love. Just like physical exercise, it takes effort to get started, then you will gather momentum, and feel better and better, until expressing love becomes your second--or first--nature. Dr. Harville Hendrix, in his best selling book Getting The Love You Want offers a powerful and highly effective step-by-step process for creating lasting love. Remember, expressing your love is good for you and your relationship!

The Survival Of The Kindest

Only the strong are kind. Interesting...we usually hear, "only the strong survive." Well, surprisingly enough, there is indeed a connection between kindness and survival. Read about how social science researchers are building a case for the "survival of the kindest." It takes courage to be kind, and that courage has survival value, in addition to the bonds that are built among us when kindness prevails. This video shows how an entire school united behind an autistic boy who wanted to play basketball, and literally made him their champion. Another example of the courage of kindness is shown in this video of a juvenile offenders football team that was embraced, supported and celebrated in a way they had never known.

Here is a quote from one of the researchers behind the "survival of the kindest" theory, Dacher Keltner, author of Born To Be Good: "Because of our very vulnerable offspring, the fundamental task for human survival and gene replication is to take care of others," said Keltner, co-director of UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center. "Human beings have survived as a species because we have evolved the capacities to care for those in need and to cooperate. As Darwin long ago surmised, sympathy is our strongest instinct."

Be strong. Be kind. It is who you are and how we survive.

Heroes, Fun, Music & Inspiration

When you have 15 minutes, take a feel-good break and listen to this podcast on heroes, from WNYC's Radio Lab. You will learn of a woman saving another woman from a bull, a man rescuing youngsters from a burning car, and more. Speaking of heroes, watch this "granny" fending off would-be burglars of a jewelry store! And here's a hero of a different sort--watch this video of a man and his family who literally support themselves right out of their back (and front) yard.

Now have some fun with this ingenious beach-walking kinetic sculpture and this cat playing in slow motion. Ever thought of the romantic benefits of learning guitar? Well, check out this video for some fun inspiration. Have some more fun with this online skiiing game, be amazed at what snowflakes look like up very, very close, and check out these panorama views of Utah.

Get inspired by these videos on the late and great "IZ" and Eva Cassidy, both of whom did amazing versions of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." Watch Steve Jobs' commencement address at Stanford as he encourages us to do what we love and follow our heart.  Finally, top off your Goodfinding with this inspiring video of Team Rwanda, showing us once again how athletics can inspire and heal.

 Quotes from Great Goodfinders

"She discovered that she was the one she'd been waiting for."

"While you are upon the earth, enjoy the good things that are here.
--John Selden

"Never miss an opportunity to see anything that is beautiful."
-Janet Hobson

"Improve your spare moments and they will become the brightest gems in your life."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The world is but a canvas to our imaginations."

"You'll never be sad if you remember all the good things that have happened to you."
--Karolina Grekov



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