Workplace Violence

OVERCOMING WORKPLACE VIOLENCE
by William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM DR. DEFOORE'S BOOK

Eruptions of deadly violence in places of business in the U.S. seem to be at an all-time high. This is a distant concern for some of you, and yet others reading this book may be currently employers or employed in companies where this has occurred or could occur. You may have an angry, abusive boss or co-worker.You may be currently looking for a job and wondering if this company where you are applying might be the next site of a violent incident. Whatever your situation may be, there are things that each of us can do to address this alarming problem, and the need is great.

What is the message that these angry co-workers are sending? It seems fairly simple, clear and direct. They're not getting what they want and/or they feel they have been victimized and unjustly treated. This is not complicated or new. What is new is the frequency of multiple murders and in some cases suicides in these first few years of the twenty-first century. What is complicated is how to address and resolve this problem on a large scale.

In this chapter, we will look at 1) the psychology of the violent person, 2) perceptions that others have of the violent person, and 3) the responsibility and ability to respond that co-workers, business leaders and the rest of us have.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE VIOLENT PERSON

The perspectives offered in this section are based on my personal and professional observations over the past 31 years and research in the area (Toch and Karon, 1992; Langone, 1984). You will find other information on violence and the psychology of violence at www.questia.com, the world's largest online library.

I will use the masculine gender in referring to the violent person because that reflects most of my experience and because most violence throughout history has been committed by males (Toch and Karon, 1992).

Violence comes from a place of psychological chaos, confusion and a deep sense of powerlessness. However calm and assured such a person may appear at times, he is carrying a profound sense of psychological disturbance at some level, or he would never be prone to violence. Violence simply cannot arise from a place of peace and harmony.

He is or feels that he is excluded. He may be extremely isolated. He feels misunderstood and mistreated, and often is. Whether he knows it or not, he sees himself as a victim of other people, systems and circumstances out of his control-thus the sense of powerlessness and helplessness.

He is deranged. He thinks that somehow he must penetrate the impenetrable, break through the walls that have shut him out, get the attention of those who won't listen to him, and punish the guilty for their wrongdoing. He is delusional and at times borders on grandiosity, thinking he has the duty to bring justice to an unjust world. He doesn't trust anyone else, and certainly not the system, to administer justice for him.

Yes, all of this is true. And yet he is human. He is a child of God. And he responds to love, care and attention because he needs that as much as we all do.

He makes it hard for you to love him, or even spend time in his presence. He lives out his self-fulfilling prophecy that no one likes him and might even relish the idea of you being afraid of him. He is at times unpleasant, rude, abusive, unsociable or just socially awkward, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. He will most likely offend you and embarrass you. He may deliberately try to hurt you. Why would you want to have anything to do with him?

You don't. I don't. Nobody does. So he is isolated and alone, cooking up his ideas of violence. This is the problem. The violent people are the outcasts and misfits of the world. They don't fit, they're no fun, and they hurt, offend and bother us so we cast them out. The thing is, that approach is not working. They are breaking into our inner circles with bullets. They are entering our hearts and minds with violent explosions of unthinkable cruelty, ripping innocent people's life away as an expression of their helpless rage.

And he does not like himself. That's why he usually kills himself after he had killed his victims.

MISGUIDED PERCEPTIONS OF THE PROBLEM AND SOLUTION

A common or familiar perception might be something like this: "Let's face it. These people are weird, crazy; they ought to be locked up and punished. If we just keep killing (executing) those who don't kill themselves, maybe we will finally be rid of them. Meanwhile, when you see one of these dangerous folks, stay away from them.

"We don't want to include them in our circles, conversations and socializing, because that would reward their bad behavior. Ignore them and maybe they will go away."

"We might also hear reasoning like, "The problem is the guns. If they just didn't have those guns none of this would be happening. We need to legislate to get rid of the guns."

If this approach worked, we would have solved the problem a long time ago. The reject and punish approach actually feeds the problem, like fighting fire with fire. It could be that the problem of workplace violence is going to continue and maybe even get worse until we move to a deeper and more lasting resolution. Let's take a look at some different perspectives and examine a few approaches to resolution.

CO-WORKER'S RESPONSIBILITY AND OPTIONS FOR HELPING

From my experience in studying business processes and doing corporate training over the past fifteen years, it has become clear to me that business systems are the true culprit when it comes to workplace violence. Systems that oppress, ignore, exploit and abuse workers, and/or focus only on their bottom line and pleasing shareholders create hostile work environments that breed anger and violence.

Everyone working in such systems is affected. No individual is to blame, and yet "management" and "owners" are the usual scapegoats, and in some cases rightfully so. In an oppressive and abusive system blind to worker's needs and concerns, every worker will feel and live with the effects. Shadows of discontent loom large in such organizations, and tend to concentrate and come to focus in the employees with the most tendencies toward confusion, delusion and violence.

Relatively sane employees with loving families and decent lives can survive in such work environments, because they can retreat to the counterbalancing domain of their less more loving and healthy non-work world. Such people can "let things slide", or "let things roll off their back" and "don't take things so personally." The question I have is where to those things slide and roll off to?

I think there's a very good possibility that the disturbed, isolated workers prone to violence pick up on the anger and discontent all around them, and make the fatal mistake of thinking that murder is some kind of answer. Just as in families where one child is the scapegoat or identified patient and carries other family members' unclaimed anger, fear and pain, I am suggesting that violent workers are the "shadow bearers" of a disgruntled workplace family.

In summary, the perspective being offered here is that healthy, balanced workers unconsciously project their own anger, pain and frustration onto the deranged and disgruntled man, thus adding to his proneness to violent action. This is no one's fault, yet it is every worker's responsibility. Here are some things you can do in your workplace if this applies to you:

1. Look around among your co-workers and ask yourself the question, "If anyone in this group were most likely to become violent, who would that be?" Most of the time you will know immediately. If not, ask some of your friends what they think.
2. Spend one-on-one time with the most unhappy and isolated of your co-workers.
3. Ask them what they are thinking and feeling.
4. Reflect what you have heard them say. You don't have to agree, disagree or solve their problem. Just hear them and tell them what you have heard them say.
5. Then say something like, "I hear you." "I see where you're coming from" or "Thanks for telling me what's going on." Many angry, upset people want and need to be heard more than anything else.
6. If you can empathize and offer understanding, by all means do so, with comments such as, "When I put myself in your shoes, I can see why you would feel that way" or "That makes sense to me." Only say this if you sincerely mean it. Patronizing can do more harm than good.
7. As a general rule, do not offer solutions or even different perspectives. If and only if you feel a rapport with the person, or if you sense that they might be open to your viewpoint, then provide information, perspective and/or resources that you think might be helpful. Do not try to change their mind-that will only feed their hostility.
8. If you have a group that is healthy enough to embrace this person, invite him to join you for lunch, at a party or a ball game. The idea is to include him to counter his feelings of exclusion and isolation that contribute to his tendencies toward violence.
9. Be playful and humorous with those who are having a rough time. This requires that you have some degree of rapport, or else the effort could backfire and add to the hostility. If you think there's a chance it could bring a smile,
- Tell a harmless joke
- Put a flower on his desk or in his workstation
- Rearrange something at his workstation in a humorous way
- Put a toy or smiling face somewhere that will surprise him and maybe bring a laugh.
10. If you have the opportunity or authority to do so, put this person on a committee or offer him a position of leadership on some task.
11. Unless you believe it would do more harm than good, inform management or your own superiors of your observations and concerns.
12. Do this consistently, with anyone who seems angry, extremely cynical, withdrawn, isolated, outcast, quiet, off to themselves, depressed or openly violent and aggressive. You may be saving lives, perhaps even your own.
13. If you do not feel that you can do any of these things for whatever reason, then just wish the best for this person in your mind. Every time you think of them or see them, send them love and give them your silent blessing. If you pray, then pray for them. This can be as effective as overt action, and in some cases more so.

BUSINESS LEADERS' RESPONSIBILITY

In the late '90's I did a significant amount of work in corporate communications training and development. During that time I learned a lot about the value and importance of a kind of communication that is not ordinarily considered appropriate in a business environment. Talking about feelings.

Through a simple process of expressing and reflecting the basic negative emotions of fear, sorrow and anger and the positive emotions of love, appreciation and happiness, great healing occurred and important business information was revealed. Though we have no way of knowing for sure, we may have prevented violence from occurring.

It was the business leaders who made this training program happen, and it was only in their power to do so. Many employees simply do not have the authority or funding to provide education of communications training programs in their workplace.

It is the responsibility of business owners and managers to either 1) Implement open communication systems within their organizations, or 2) Bring in outside consultants and trainers to facilitate the development of these systems. An excellent source for emotional intelligence in leadership processes is the book entitled Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. (Goleman, et. al., 2002).